Finding Home after a long journey
I just finished a series of ten 5×7-inch magazine image collages exploring my search for a living space here in Albuquerque, New Mexico. After a year and a half of pilgrimage, and a challenging decision to relocate from Oregon, I found WAITING instead of an apartment. So I survived it by making collage art.
Some of the first nine collages represented my intentions to trust when I felt stronger than usual discomfort with not-knowing, being in-between the searching and the finding. For a week I fought the current telling me to stop and rest, even when I heard from the Spirit it wouldn’t do any good to keep trying before my home was ready to appear.
It all reminded me of Advent, our winter season of longing and not-yet-Christmas or not-yet-Spring. In the Christian scripture Advent story, Mary represents our yearning as she carries her waiting, her luggage, and her baby for the nine months between Gabriel’s angelic “ready, set, go!” and the actual arrival of birth. So, I knew I’d get to practice (yet again) the wisdom and surrender to a process of unfolding before arriving at a new home.
In ripe time, (just this week) the right house & studio space came along. It’s exactly what I was looking for, and more than I’d hoped– an incredible gift. I can hardly wait to move in, by December 1st! It will definitely feel like Christmas to open all my boxes and settle.
Yet here’s the twist: in the last few days, I noticed that an even bigger miracle had happened subtly meanwhile– that the Golden Moment had arrived already, inside the waiting itself. During my long pilgrimage and the search for living and work space, I became a Home for myself, and for the Spirit’s presence in and through me. More than ever before, I’m at home in my skin, in my life, in my imperfections, in my truths, in my calling.
Through a wave of tears, I wrote in my journal on Thursday:
Finally, I’m home.
Haven’t moved into the house yet,
but inwardly, I’ve arrived.
I know who I am,
and I know what my work is,
as much as I can right now,
open to the unfolding
but rooted in the truth
of what is.
I am overwhelmingly grateful,
and happier in my life
than I’ve ever been.
So it is,
So this year I see Advent as the Home before the house, the birthing before the arrival, the longing that creates the gift. The tenth collage, seen here, recognizes this quality of Presence-in-the-waiting that opens the gold in the moment. May I be at Home there, long before and long after I move my furniture.
© Melanie Weidner 2010